Friends and Funerals

The families of those who have died quite rightly get much of the attention during the time between a death and the funeral, but it’s important to also remember how profoundly friends are impacted, sometimes friends of 60 years standing and more for whom the person is an important part of their lives.

A friend is someone very special in a different sort of way: it is someone who, out of the myriads of people we meet during our lives, we choose as a friend and they choose us; a mutual affinity, shared sense of humour, similar interests, a feeling of ease.  But each friendship is unique and is why a friend dying is so painful.

Imagine each friend has a different colour.   As we interact with them all over the years our lives become interwoven into a beautiful multicoloured tapestry.

The shock of one of these friends dying suddenly can be devastating:  the fabric of our cloth is torn and there is a gaping hole. 

But gently and with time we can pick up the threads. How do we do this? Friends can come together to help to plan the funeral to make it a wonderful celebration, perhaps they could be involved in painting a cardboard coffin, preparing and decorating the venue for the funeral ceremony, even some personal touches at the crematorium, and each person bring some food to share for the gathering after. Friends sometimes help to tend to the person who has died. They can come together to sit with them before the funeral, an opportunity for sharing memories. Facebook and Whatsapp groups can be set up to keep on sharing memories and thoughts. In this way friends can continue to add to the tapestry, keeping the love for that person alive.

Jane Morrell