Choosing a funeral director is an important decision, particularly at a time when you may be feeling overwhelmed, emotional or simply unsure where to start.
There’s no single “right” way to arrange a funeral. The most important thing is finding a funeral director who listens to you, understands what matters to you and gives you clear information about your choices and costs.
To help, we’ve put together some questions you may want to ask before making your decision.
- Will you come to my home to arrange the funeral?
Some funeral directors will arrange everything at their funeral home, while others are happy to visit you at home.
If you would feel more comfortable talking through the arrangements in familiar surroundings, ask whether a home visit is available and whether there is any additional charge.
- Can we choose the date and time of the funeral?
Ask how much flexibility there is when choosing the date and time of the funeral. There's a commonly shared myth that crematoria are booked up and incredibly busy, with little or no immediate availability. This isn't always the case. Be sure to ask your funeral director if it's their availability that's limited, or that of the crematorium.
You may also want to ask whether funerals are available on Saturdays, Sundays or public holidays, and whether choosing one of these days would affect the cost.
- Where will my person be cared for?
It is perfectly reasonable to ask where the person who has died will be cared for between their death and the funeral.
You might ask:
- Where will they be kept?
- Will they remain at your local funeral home or be taken to another facility?
- Can we visit them?
- When can we visit and how often?
- Who will care for them?
These questions can give you reassurance about what will happen during this time.
- What are your views on embalming?
Ask the funeral director to explain whether embalming is recommended and if so, why. At Heart and Soul Funerals, we don't routinely embalm people in our care. We take a natural and gentle approach to the way we look after people who've died and feel it's very important that embalming, of any kind, is made as an informed choice.
There is no need to feel pressured into making a decision you are uncomfortable with. A good funeral director should explain the available options, answer your questions honestly and help you understand what is appropriate for your circumstances.
- What types of funeral transport do you offer?
A hearse is not the only option.
Depending on your wishes, transport might include a traditional hearse, an informal funeral vehicle, a motorcycle hearse, horse-drawn carriage or another specialist vehicle.
You may even wish to use a family member's or friend's vehicle in some circumstances.
Ask your funeral director what is possible and whether there are any additional costs.
- What choices of coffin are available?
There are many different coffin options available today, from traditional wooden coffins to willow, bamboo, cardboard, picture coffins and other more personal choices. A shroud is also an option
Don't be afraid to ask to see examples and compare prices.
You could ask:
- What different coffin options do you offer?
- What does each option cost?
- Are there environmentally friendly options?
- Can we personalise the coffin?
- Are there any restrictions depending on whether the funeral is a burial or cremation?
- How are your fees and third-party costs structured?
Understanding the cost of a funeral before making arrangements can help avoid unexpected bills later.
Ask for a clear, written quotation and make sure you understand what is included. Don't hesitate to ask if something isn't clear. A reputable funeral director should be happy to explain their charges.
- Do you add a mark-up to products and services?
This is a question that many people don't think to ask.
Some funeral directors may make a margin on products and services supplied as part of a funeral, such as coffins, flowers, vehicles or stationery.
Ask your funeral director how their pricing works and whether products or services are marked up in addition to their professional fees.
The important thing is that you understand exactly what you are paying for.
- Can family and friends carry the coffin?
For some families and friends, carrying the coffin themselves is an important and meaningful part of the funeral.
Ask whether family members or friends can act as bearers and, if so, what support and guidance will be provided.
Your funeral director should explain how this works and make sure everyone involved feels comfortable and properly prepared.
- Can you help with funeral donations?
If you would like donations to be made in memory of your loved one, ask whether the funeral director can collect and distribute donations on your behalf.
They may also be able to help with the practical arrangements for donating to a chosen charity.
- What happens if we want something different?
Perhaps you don't want a traditional funeral. Maybe you'd like a particular type of transport, a unique coffin, music that means something to your family, or a more informal ceremony. Maybe you'd like to organise some of the funeral yourself. Don't be afraid to ask.
Funerals can be deeply personal, and there may be more options available than you initially realise. A good funeral director should listen to what you want and help you understand what can be arranged.
Don't be afraid to ask questions
When you're arranging a funeral, you don't need to know all the terminology or understand every decision straight away.
Take your time. Ask questions. Ask for costs in writing. And if something doesn't feel clear, ask your funeral director to explain it again.
Most importantly, choose a funeral director who listens to you and makes you feel comfortable, supported and respected.
At Heart & Soul Funerals, we're always happy to talk through your options without pressure or obligation. If you would like to discuss arranging a funeral or simply have some questions you'd like answered, please get in touch: 01803 840 7779.
You can also read our online book and guide, We Need to Talk About the Funeral, for further practical advice and guidance.
